Monday, October 29, 2012

Just some thoughts...

It has been a great year since I started Nutcase, from my first sale, to my first fully developed collection, to our FB page with 700likes from 0, to our first magazine feature, our first celebrity wearing nutcase... it's been a rollercoaster of excitement and unexpected pleasant surprises, I hv nothing but gratefulness on what's happened!

but recently I feel that I'm at a place that's getting stuck, not moving anymore forward, and I feel deflated, exhausted... I hv lost the joy of creating jewelry n seeing people from all over the world wearing it... It used to make me so happy, but now sometimes I'm so tired I just feel sad. I hv a full time job to keep a living sensibly, doing this in spare time is proving to be difficult, especially since I'm the one hand making every piece, designing, sourcing, purchasing, marketing, contacting, dispatching everything... the sheer physical work side of it has made me so exhausted. I also feel stuck that I wish I could hv the quality much improved to fully realise my visions. The limited sourcing channels and self crafting without formal jewelry training has been an obstacle and frustrating.

Especially when I see people around me earning the big dollars and being able to enjoy life... I know I know, you should never compare. I have been relatively lucky that by turning hobby into a business, for the past year, I have made a decent small amount of money by my two hands... however, bloody, worked, ruined pair of hands. I see people around me earning the same amount of money by one job, by brain work instead of hand labour... which just makes me start doubting if what I am doing is worth. Sure, jewelry is my passion and no money can compare to it but it's hard to stay so focused when money is also such a big issue in life. I have been preparing to give up a little, and tried desperately to search for ways to make lots of money... quicky money... easy money. Afterall, I do have a good educational background, tri-lingual, pretty smart... why should I have to use hand labour to earn money in such a hard way? :(

I have been feeling lost!

recently I took a business trip to Shanghai to attend a fashion show for my day job, seeing the talent there... chatting to one of my friends, a successful designer and stylist... all these things, has inspired me in some way. Building up your own brand is never easy, and is damn competitive, just like it is for every damn one else out there... but lots of people are still doing it. Why? I don't know every one out there, but I am sure 90% will tell you it's because they love it, have a dream, and chasing it.

It really made me think. I COULD sit here being deflated, chicken out and throw the past year away, OR I could work hard at what god has given me. I have many friends who always tell me they are super bored with their jobs, without a forseeable future, and when I ask them what is it that they really want to do, they actually don't know, they don't have anything that they love that they can build a career on... It makes me appreciate that somehow, God has given me this talent, however little it is, god has given me this love for jewelry, something I feel so passionate about from my heart, and surprisingly has been able to built a small business out of. I am luckier than many already, at least I have a direction I can work towards. Maybe I will never make it, maybe I will end up poorer than my safe piers, but if I can't use this unique gift god gave me, how crazy would I be? I think I have always been obsessed with being the BEST, and through this year, things have happened naturally that made me realise I am not perfect, not the best, and very little... so if I couldn't be the best, I would rather not have it at all. but now I have realised, there is nothing such as the BEST, the world is so big. and even if there was, it is OKAY to be just one of the bests, one of the better ones, one of the good ones. I will still be proper dignified to make a honest living doing what I love and chasing my dreams, always remembering I am lucky enough to have a gift from god to have this talent and this chance to make something out of it.

I hope I can keep remembering this positive thinking for long enough! Today I finally took the courage to set up a meeting with a manufacturer, naturally, it's not as easy as that, but if I could solve the difficulty of labour and lack of time to do it by myself, I could think of bigger volumes, taking my label to more places. Next step would be planning a workable small collection to get manufactured, market it and get it stocked through as many channels as possible.... phew... I hope it will go somewhere!

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